Flame of Hope

Hi everyone, well so far we have covered a lot of ground.  You may want to go back and do some review.

• This series “Teen Career Insurance” is being created for parents and grandparents of teens who are in the process of deciding what to do with the next phase of their lives – that period after High School.  It can be a very difficult time if they do not know who they really are, what they really want to do, where to do it and have the resources they need to begin.  This is why I created “Career Teen Insurance” so you can protect and insure you teen’s future.
• This series is about your coaching your teens, planting seeds, exploring possibilities and discoveries about Who I Am, What I Want; What I am Good at – thus Insuring your teen’s future success.
• There is always a cost involved in getting it wrong, but a bigger cost in leaving it to chance.  There are some interesting facts in my blog, but it costs about $20, 000 per year to send your teen to college at a public university in your state, more for out of state and more yet for a private university.  So what if they do not want to go to college, well that is fine – so what do they want to do?  What will they be most successful doing?  What career areas best match up with their strengths, interests, gifts and talent?  I often talk to graduating seniors on Careers Day, and it has been my experience that many do not know what they want to do, yes they have invested in a career direction, but do not feel comfortable choosing a career – guess what?  After five or ten years of work, these college graduates still do not know – they know they are not satisfied with what they are doing, but now they have invested a lot of years as well as the cost of a degree – they often are afraid to try something new – something they are better suited for and will be more successful and fulfilled doing.  So what is the answer?  Invest as early as possible in Career Insurance – the lessons I have included and are yet to come.  It all comes down to making an informed choice based on your own set of gifts, talents and strengths etc.
• It is my belief that each of us was born with a purpose and that purpose includes an ideal career path that is just right for each individual – you have the special gifts and talents, strengths, interests and personality for a reason – to fulfill your purpose.  It is your job in life to discover what it is and to Live Your Purpose.  So how do I find it? Ha, now we are getting somewhere.  I have outlined the topics and suggested that the parent or grandparent coach their teen, by planting seeds of possibility – letting the teen discover “Who they are, to what purpose and using what they have learned to find the career path that fits their unique Self.
• I have given you some tools to help the process along:
  • What are feelings and what do they have to do with anything?
  • Developing a baseline of feelings to see how satisfied they are with their lives right now.
  • A wheel of life to see how to look at the pieces of their lives – something they will use over and over to discover how they feel, what they are good at, what they value etc – lots of self discovery by looking at the pieces.
  • Are you ready or have you already begun?  Need some help – I am here, but are you up to the challenge?  Will you leave this critical decision to chance?  I spent a lifetime discovering my real life purpose – wouldn’t it be great to find out now?  Would it be nice to escape making all the same mistakes we have all made when it comes to a career?  Jump back in and start swimming, I will be your champion for success and life guard.

Could your teen career insurance and coaching have prevented a tragedy? Had dinner with several teens and one had a best friend’s brother died today – a drug overdose. Do you think it could have been prevented if he had a life purpose and was working on it?

This lesson has three parts and will be spread out during the week;  here is what we will cover:

• Finding that feeling place – quiet your mind and listening skills
• Why understanding your feelings is important.
• Wheel of life – a starting place for understanding how satisfied you are right now.  Lets get started!

Session 2 Lesson Two “How Am I right now?

By now, hopefully you have talked to your teen and asked them if they would like to explore more about who they are, what they are good at and how that can lead to a career choice that will really make them happy and fulfilled.  If you got a positive response, you probably have looked over the getting ready section – thought about your coaching and mentoring skills and decided if you are up to the challenge.  If not, perhaps you can encourage your teen to follow along and sign up for my blog updates – I will be giving them some helpful hints and tips that may lead them down the path of self discovery.  If you are up to the challenge – let’s forge ahead.

1.  Finding that feeling place – quiet your mind and improve your listening skills

If you are ever to make meaningful change, it must come from the inside; hence we will be working on what is known as the “Inside Out Process”.  The key to the process is to find that “feeling place” within you to tap into ( and get out of your head); HOW is the million dollar question – and it is seems to be harder in teens than in adults, but perhaps that is just my perception, or can it be that kids are always in their head?    There are many resources that will give you answers to how to get in touch with your feeling, that feeling place (heart, spirit, energy source) and I may add a number of guest articles and white papers (look in Free Tools and Services), but here is what I have found useful to date with my limited experience:

• Get into a quiet time and space – one where you will not be interrupted (turn off your cell).  I find that the first thing in the morning before anyone is up has been my best time.  With Kids, you have to take what you can get.
• Focus on your breathing.  Sitting or lying down, shut your eyes and try and clear your mind of “monkey chatter”.  Take a few deep breaths and try and relax, notice what is going thru your mind.  Now focus on your breathing – notice your chest and belly as they rise and fall with each deep breath (you may have to direct your breath into the stomach).  Again notice, but do not focus on what is going thru your mind – notice and let it go.  Try deep breathing for a few minutes and then breathe regularly – each time your mind drifts to a subject other than your breathing, notice but let it go.  Once you have quieted your mind listen to what your inner voice is saying, what you are feeling – don’t hold on just notice.  With practice you will be able to get into your feeling place much more quickly.
• In a classroom situation, I found it possible for the kids to just take 4-5 deep breaths and try and relax – then I asked them a question:  On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being very low and 10 being the highest, how are you feeling about yourself – physically and spiritually (your heart or feeling place)?  Every session we go through the “How am I feeling?” exercise.  Why???
  • Feeling down affects your ability to listen and focus on what is about to happen.  If the kids are, say below a 7 on either scale; – ask them what is going on in their life, what is making them feel the way they are.  Until they unload and feel better, it is probably not worth moving ahead.  In class, I  just told them to be aware that their feelings would affect what they were learning or not learning, and that taking their pulse – so to speak, was an exercise that they could use before each class to see if they were ready to proceed.

• So what can you do to get back on track with your feelings – if it is physical, you need to find a way to relax or increase comfort or something physical.  You will know what has worked in the past.

If it is heart felt pain, anger or fear – here is an exercise found in the Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin that has worked rather well for many of my clients:

• There are three  ways of releasing unwanted emotions
  • The first way is Choosing to let go
  • The second way is to welcome the feeling, to allow the emotion to just be
  • The third way is to dive into the very core of the emotion

You can read about all three in his book, we will only be looking at option one – choosing to let go, and here is how it works:

Make yourself comfortable and focus inwardly.  Your eyes closed

• Step one – focus on the issue you would like to feel better about then allow yourself to feel whatever comes up in the moment
• Step two- Ask yourself the following three questions:
  • Could I let go of this feeling?
  • Would I let go of this feeling?  Would I rather have this feeling or would I rather be free?
  • When- and invitation to Now.
  • Repeat this preceding process as often as needed until you feel free of the particular feeling.

2.  Why understanding your Feelings is important!

This may be a little tough for me to explain and I do not claim to be any type of expert, but here is what I have discovered.  The head (mind) is basically a computer and deals with current and past data.  For the projection into the future, it uses past data, habits and thoughts.  The mind is very analytical and logical and wants to do things the way you have in the past – i.e. habits and thought patterns tend to be repeated, especially if they have been successful in the past – why waste time and energy thinking about new ways of behaving and thinking?  Well this can be good as long as situations and conditions have not changed and those current habits are producing the results you desire.  Often the case is that our old habits and patterns of thought are no longer relevant to changing conditions and need to be reevaluated – so how can you tell?  Here is where feelings come into play.  If you feel bad about how your life is going or if you feel anxiety, anger and your body feels bad, then this is a good indication that you want and need to change.  So feelings are a good barometer of how well things are going in the present.  Concerning self evaluation and determining what you really want in the future – you again need to be in touch with your feeling place and trust what your heart is telling you.  When you examine our life and ask what you really want, why and such things as your values, how you want to live your life, what you are strengths are – the answers will come from your heart, not your mind.  I have added a section on Obstacles to getting what you want, and we will examine the subject of the mind and how it holds you back, and yes what you can do about it.  So enough of this for now – let’s move on!

3.  Wheel of Life – a starting point for understanding how satisfied you are with your life right now!  And yes it does rely on your being in touch with your feeling place. It sometimes helps to develop compartments for various areas of your life, so we can examine deal with them individually. In working with my class, they came up with the following labels for the various areas of their lives – hope it fits, if not change the labels to fit your experiences and how you see the areas of your life.  The picture below may not be clear enough, so here are the 9 key areas and the basic content of each:

• In the center is “Myself” – how I feel about the collective me- my eating habits, exercise, how I get along with others, how I respond to me (like/dislike what I see).
• (from the top moving clockwise)
• Play – How am I finding enough time to play?  What type of activities do I really enjoy? Do I have a favorite hobby or sport that I pursue?
• Friends – Groups, close friends, people I respect and can trust.
• Special Gifts – What are my special gifts and talents?  What am I know for?  Am I using them in important areas of my life?
• Helping Others – How am I doing at helping others, community service, tutor or mentoring others?
• School – How am I doing?  Am I satisfier with my classes, teachers’, school, where I am headed after High School?  Do I have a plan for what’s next?
• What’s missing?  An area to fill in a part of your life not explored in the wheel!
• Family – Parents, bothers/sisters, relatives, grandparents, heritage, pets.
• Money and resources- What I earn, jobs, allowances and expenses (what I need).

******Here is an exercise you can do for yourself and with your teen********

Using the list or diagram – look at each area of our life and rate how things are going in this area right now.  (Using a scale of 1-10 with 1 stinks and 10 couldn’t be better). Now try sharing one area in your life that is going very well and why.  Share one area that you would like to improve and why.   Now to get an overall feel for how your life is going, try this little exercise.  Copy this wheel below and shade in the area of satisfaction that best fits how you are feeling about that area – i.e. 10% to 100% satisfied.  Now connect the segments with a dark pencil or marker.  Pretend you are riding a unicycle and this is your wheel – what type of ride would you get?  What could you do to improve the ride?  Would that help improve the overall satisfaction with your current life?  How about your future satisfaction?

Nice Job!!! Well, how did the sharing and insights go?  You may want to record you findings in your journal so you can compare the results at the end of the class or in the future.  So here is what we have covered in this lesson:

How am I right now? Exercises in getting in touch with your feelings – physical, emotional and spiritual.

• Finding that feeling place – quiet your mind and listening skills
• Why understanding your feelings is important.
• Wheel of life – a starting place for understanding how satisfied you are right now.

****Feedback time*****

Now would be a great time for feedback, so if you are willing here is what I would like to know:

1. What were the key learning’s, insights and or breakthroughs – did you record them in a journal?
2. What went well?
3. What didn’t go well?
4. What would you have liked more of?

We all have a certain amount of baggage we bring into a new learning situation, now you have a better idea of where your teen’s starting point.   The wheel of life explores categories that teens have in common.  Next we will get into more self and introspective areas of “Who am I? “.  We begin with Values clarification– what are they, where they come from and what do I value, what is important to me?  We will be looking at areas that make us unique individuals.

I have a brief list of questions to give to your teen (that should get them started down the path to self discovery) if they are ready to start.

What do you want to do with the rest of your life?  Will they relate to his question when they do not know what they want to do today?  My sense is that they will.  They probably want more information on what you mean.  Well life is full of choices so what would they like to accomplish in each area of their lives – woops we are getting ahead of the parts of their lives – that is explored more in lesson two.  But you can give them a list of questions to begin thinking about – they will help along the way.

• • What do I do well and enjoy doing?
  • What activities do I enjoy?
  • What am I doing when I am the happiest?
  • What makes me smile?  Laugh?  Cry?  Sad?
  • What kind of stories do I like to hear most?
  • Am I aware of my special Gifts?
  • What turns me off?  What turns me on?
  • What motivates me?

I would also suggest that your teen might like to journal about what they are learning.  Since trust is critical I would ask if they would like to keep these discoveries just between the two of you.  Ask for permission to share if you think others will benefit by their learning.

If possible, setup a regular time to do your coaching and career sessions – this will help establish an expectation on their part that they will be working on discovering  “Who they are” and it will help you reserve a time that you are most ready to help.

Well there is a lot to digest.  I hope you are up to the challenge – as I mentioned somewhere, Mother’s have the greatest influence on whether their teen goes to college, so I imagine that it will be the mother’s who read and begin the process of coaching their teen to Career success.

Next up is Lesson 2 - “How Am I right now?

Question – before I get too far down the lesson path, do I have any readers?  If so, question – do you prefer smaller bits of information or the whole enchilada?  This time I am adding just about half of the session – vote:  smaller bites or whole enchilada?

Ok, so you are ready to begin.  You have always been a coach and mentor to your children but perhaps you have not thought of some of the coaching principles you have employed so I will just refresh your memory:

What is a coach?  What do you do? The International Coaching Federation has the following definition of what coaching is:  http://www.coachfederation.org/find-a-coach/what-is-coaching/

Key concepts to remember:

• You are partnering with your teen in a thought provoking and creative process that inspires them to discover their God given gifts and talents and Life Purpose, so that they can find career opportunities that will optimize that purpose in making a living, and more importantly making a life that they truly enjoy and feel they are contributing to something bigger than themselves.
• You are their Champion for Success and will help them celebrate wins, big and small throughout the process
• Coaching honors the client (your teen) as the expert in his/her life and work and believes that every client is creative, resourceful, and whole.  I know at this age are they really an expert?  They at least need to feel in control of the process and not manipulated; they need to buy into the process and own the results.  You are helping plant seeds but they will bring forth the fruit.

• The coach’s responsibility:

• • • Discover, clarify, and align with what your teen wants to achieve-are they ready to begin this process of discovery?  Do they want to know more about careers and themselves?  If so, then it is a great time to begin.
    • Encourage self-discovery; – a main challenge in discovering who they are; to what purpose; their special gifts, talents, strengths and interests.
    • Elicit teen -generated solutions and strategies;  - well here is where the mentoring and guiding comes in – follow the lessons and guidelines, let them journal on what they are discovering and learning and
    • Hold your teen responsible and accountable- again these are their discoveries and the choice is theirs on what they choose to do about what they discover. Answers like I don’t know, how would I know are not acceptable – ask well what if you did know, how would you feel or where would you be headed – these help in accountability.
• So your main coaching skills center around – ready for this?  Yes – Listening and asking the right questions and listening to the answers (yes what is said and unsaid). As we go through the lessons, you will discover more, but this is the basics.  If you want to know more check out “Co-Active Coaching” by Laura Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House and Phil Sandahl.  In my opinion, this is the coach’s bible.

Wow what a powerful question.  How many of us have asked that question of ourselves?  Of those who have asked, how many have followed the path of self discovery long enough to find the answer?  The answer is one that we find by looking inward.  For me it was the powerful process of Living Your Vision that gave me a process to discover the answer.  I am Flame of Hope and my Purpose is to:  Be all I can; offer all I am; uplift and support all and serve those who are ignited by who I am; graciously accepting the abundance that feeds my soul.  So knowing my purpose I was seeking what that manifested purpose would look like – by then it was clear that Life Coaching and Living Your Vision Coaching was the way I would live my purpose.   Since then I have decided to increase my sharing by use of the Internet and focusing on helping Teens Discover their Ideal Career viewing it thou the lens of Purpose.  So began the journey of Careers for teens.  One of my first lessons was centered about getting in touch with their feelings – the inside out process of listening to that feeling place.  Was I ever surprised to learn that may if not most of the students in my 8^th grade class had not given any thought to feelings and did not know how to get in touch with theirs?  I began by asking – On a scale of 1-10 “How do you feel – physically and internally (that feeling place in their body that gut feeling that heart connection). By the end of the first class, it was evident that my materials designed for adults were not working, well at least for the 7^th and 8^th graders.  At this point, I did give up on the idea of teaching Living Your Vision principles and process and went into coaching mode of just asking questions, giving them learning situations that would illustrate the key points, and being in the moment.  It worked much better.  Here is the sequence of topics to explore and work on:

• Introduction and getting ready!
• How am I right now?  Exercises in getting in touch with your feelings – physical, emotional and spiritual.
  • Finding that feeling place – quiet your mind and listening skills
  • Why understanding your feelings are important.
  • Wheel of life – a starting place for understanding how satisfied you are right now.
• We all have baggage what is yours?  The beginning of sharing and building trust – in you and others.
  • Some practical ground rules to consider.
  • Teen’s life areas and labels.  What makes us the same and what makes us unique?  What do I want to experience in each area of my life?  A place to start.
• What are my values?  Where did they come from?  How are they discovered?
• What rules do I live by?  Where did they come from and how are they developed?
• What are my unique gifts and talents?
• What are my strengths?
• What is my learning style and What does personality type have to do with anything?
• What am I passionate about?  What am I really interested in?  So what?
• How does who I am life purpose tie into my ideal career?
• Manifesting my life purpose – how can I use my learning’s to create the life I want? Viewing Careers thru the lens of purpose and my life’s journey
• Life balance and thriving

Well this is quite a list of topics to explore, to see how your teen feels about and what they are willing to do about what they discover.  There will be helpful exercises you can explore with them, some experiences of your own that will help make the material a lot more meaningful and any sharing you both do the more you will get out of the experience.  I assure you that your investment in Career Insurance will pay great rewards.  Remember – ask questions along the way and please share in your experiences – this way we can all learn as we go.  It is my hope that what we learn together will help anchor the teen career class.  Ready?