Lesson Three; Who am I? Session 1, Values
Session 1 – Values. Values are simply things of value in our lives. Generally the things we value become habits. Values themselves are neither positive nor negative, they just are. The way they make you feel is very strong and that feeling can be positive or negative. They have an important influence on your quality of life. What I have discovered is that to the extent we are engaged in activities that are in line with what we value and believe in, that we are the happiest and most satisfied.
So where do values come from? Values are developed over a lifetime as we explore the various areas of our lives. We try things and succeed or fail. We accept the successes and as the experiences are repeated and we have the same satisfactory result, they become things of value, and give us pleasure. Things we do not succeed at or feel like a failure are seldom repeated and they do not become values. So as we have satisfactory experiences with family, friends, peers, teachers and others we develop or add to our value experiences. So where do bad habits come from? They are generally patterns of thought that we have not tried in reality- things we believe to be better than anything we have tried to date. Even if they do not give us pleasure, they are familiar and better than any alternative we have experienced.
It is also true that in my experience, teens have not given any thought to or paid any attention to their feelings – this goes for values and rules we live by even more – so this may be a challenging lesson for all. I am enclosing a values exercise (shared tools and services category) for adults – just to check out your feelings about your values before you begin with your teen. Here are several other exercises that you can use to check out what you value:
- Have you had a traumatic experience either heath related or emotional trauma? What did you learn? Where did you focus your time and attention? When we are forced by circumstances to realize what our priorities are, where we spend our emotional time – it usually leads to what we really value. It may not be a direct correlation, but if you examine the why behind the what, it usually leads to a real value.
- A friend of mine had a process he used to keep focused on what was important, verses what was urgent. He said if he only had 6 months to live what did he want to focus his time and energy on? So what if you knew for sure you had 6 months of unlimited resources (health, wealth, energy – all the resources at your immediate disposal) how would you spend your time and why? This will not only give you your real values, but a priority of values as well.
- Since teens most likely will not relate well with the adult value exercise, I suggest the following:
- Using the wheel of life and section descriptions found in section 3 above determine one or more values for each. Remember that “values” are things of value in our life, things that we feel good about. So for example:
- “Myself” – how I feel about the collective me- I value:
- A healthy mind, body and spirit
- My sense of humor
- Play – How am I finding enough time to play?
- Time I give back to myself the excitement of childhood
- Time to explore what I may become
- Friends – Groups, close friends, people I respect and can trust.
- People who tell me like it is who I feel comfortable in confiding in and people who are like minded.
- People who feed my soul
- Special Gifts – What are my special gifts and talents? What am I know for? Am I using them in important areas of my life?
- I value my vision and ability to help others discover their life purpose
- Helping Others – How am I doing at helping others, community service, tutor or mentoring others?
- I value my gift of listening and understanding
- I value my time of coaching
- School – How am I doing? Am I satisfier with my classes, teachers’, school, where I am headed after High School? Do I have a plan for what’s next?
- I value my excitement for continuous learning
- I read new materials relating to careers and self improvement so that I have more to share
- What’s missing? An area to fill in a part of your life not explored in the wheel!
- Family – Parents, bothers/sisters, relatives, grandparents, heritage, pets.
- My family is very important to me and gives me hours of pleasure.
- Money and resources- What I earn, jobs, allowances and expenses (what I need).
- I value our resources as a means to accomplishing my life purpose
- I value a lifestyle revolving around freedom of time and money
So now you have a better idea of what you and your teen values. This is vital information in determining an appropriate job or career path, since any goals or work that is not in line with your values will not bring you work satisfaction and will feel very uncomfortable.
