Flame of Hope

I am too busy enjoying the summer to write content, but not too busy to share what great content that comes my way – enjoy

Posted: 21 Jul 2010 11:01 AM PDT

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mary Jaksch of Goodlife ZEN.
Do you want to be more productive? Maybe you do, but I’m sure you don’t want to feel stressed, overwhelmed, or unhappy – which happens to many super-productive people. But there is good news:

You can be insanely productive – and still smell the freesias, savor a Pinot Noir, or enjoy a languid hug.

A few weeks ago Leo Babauta said to me, “Mary – you’re one of the most productive people I know. And you still keep smiling and seem so relaxed. How do you do it?”

Most stuff I’ve read about productivity is about doing things differently. Like getting up at 4 a.m. each morning, or drinking eight liters of water a day, or keeping a notebook under the pillow. Sorry, folks – I don’t do any of those things.

High productivity isn’t about doing, it’s about being.

If you want to be highly productive – and still enjoy life – you need to look at how you live, and how you use your mind. Check out the following five suggestions:

1.  Make peace within.
Most people live in a constant state of inner conflict and suffer from a barrage of negative thoughts that sabotage productivity.

Here’s a scenario: Imagine that your car has landed in a ditch. A group of helpers gather, attach ropes and start to pull the car out. Unfortunately, they’re not all pulling in the same direction. Some try to pull the car toward the road, whereas others try to pull it deeper into the ditch. It’s absurd.

That’s exactly what happens when we’re divided within: everything is a struggle, nothing much happens, and it’s frustrating. But what if your mind, body, and soul are all aligned?

When our energy is aligned, we are in a state of flow.

When we’re at peace within, and immersed in the task at hand – without negative thoughts sabotaging our productivity – action becomes effortless. We’re able to achieve much more in less time. And with more enjoyment.

Tip: Wear an elastic wristband. Whenever you notice negative thoughts, change your wristband to the other arm. This will help you to create and maintain peace within.

2.  Go to your edge. Regularly.
Most people use only a fraction of their capacity and try to save personal energy. For example, we’re tempted to rest when we feel tired in order to recover our zest for life. Wrong move! The more energy you spend, the more you have.

Tiredness can signal many things. If you’re healthy, it may mean that you are bored, frustrated, lack movement, or need more oxygen. Or maybe conflict within has sapped your energy. It’s important to go to your limits regularly. Take up running, martial arts, swimming, or other activities – there are many way to exercise vigorously.

Tip: If you feel exhausted or lethargic, go for a brisk walk in order to rev up your energy and restore your spirit.

3.  Take action.
Most people aren’t productive because they don’t take action. They have dreams and even plans – but they don’t follow through. Negative thoughts can derail action. It may be that you have doubts about your ability, or that you listen to others who doubt you.

Tip: Look at what you would like to achieve and ask yourself, “What is the smallest step in the direction of my dreams that I can take right now?” Then take that baby step. Now.

4.  Do what you love.
Think about how you spend your time. Do you enjoy your work, or is it a grind? I’ve changed my life, and what I’m passionate about has now become my work: I teach my Zen students, and also work together with Leo to mentor bloggers in the A-list Blogger Club .

A few days ago my partner David knocked at the door of the little cabin in the garden where I work:

“Mary,” he said, “ do you realize it’s 10 o’clock at night – and you’re still working?”
“I’m not working!” I shot back. “I’m enjoying myself!”

Yes, when the boundary between work and play gets blurred, you may actually work more – but it feels like you’re just having fun.

Tip: Follow your dreams – even if it’s only for ten minutes a day.

Love what you do.
We can’t always do what we love. But we are free to love what we do. From a Zen perspective, there is a way to turn even the dullest chore into pleasurable activity through mindfulness.When we pay tender regard to our present experience – letting go of all thoughts and judgments – even the most mundane action can become pleasurable. Mindfulness doesn’t mean watching yourself, it means being fully present, moment by moment.

Tip: In order to become mindful, notice sensations of the moment. What sounds can you hear? How are your feet connected with the ground? What does your skin feel like?

5.  Finally, a key question you need to ask …

If you want to be productive and still enjoy life, there is a key question you need to answer: why be productive?

I mean, why not just chill out on the couch, eat potato crisps, and watch TV reruns? That might be fine. But what about the oblong box we’re all going to end up in?

I remind myself every morning that life is short and mine may be over by nightfall. That gives me the the desire to taste and enjoy each moment. It also adds a measure of calm urgency because I want to leave a mark upon the world. Do you?

If so, mindful productivity will help you create a life that offers both pleasure and productivity. You’ll achieve more, and you’ll still keep smiling. That smile will light up not only your own life, but also the lives of those around you.

You don’t have to be a super-hero. Simply make peace within and live each moment fully. That’s all.

Mary Jaksch is a Zen Master and blogger. Head over to Goodlife Zen for more of her articles. And visit the A-List Blogger Club.

Guest Quote
July 10, 2010
Quote of the Day
“If you treat an individual as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
About Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, the multitalented and prolific German author and scientist, is best known for the play Faust, which has been adapted into operas, films, and novels. He was born in 1749 in Frankfurt. An unhappy love affair inspired his first play; his similarly themed novel, The Sorrows of Young Werther, created the prototype of the romantic hero. He also invented the color wheel concept of light and made important discoveries in plant and human biology. He died in 1832.

I am including a guest post for all of you who are considering if and how to simplify live a freer lifestyle.

The post gives you some great criteria for making decisions on what to keep and what to pitch, but consider what to buy using this concept:  does it support your vision and or dream; does it move you closer to your dream (perhaps building an infrastructure for your purpose) and/or does it create an experience that you have always wanted to have.  Please read on!

How to Simplify When You Love Your Stuff

Posted: 02 Jul 2010 07:00 AM PDT

Dr. Zimmerman’s TUESDAY TIP:

“Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.”
Robert Orben

What Dr. Alan Zimmerman Has To Say About This:

The great business philosopher, Jim Rohn observed, “Time is our most valuable asset, yet we tend to waste it, kill it, and spend it rather than invest it.”

That’s sad … because you don’t get a second chance to use it. Your first shot is your last one. You get one crack … and one crack only … at using any given period of time. And if you screw it up, too bad. There are no do-overs.

By contrast, I’ve noticed that the happiest people and the most successful are almost always very skilled in the way they invest their time. Oh sure, they get the same amount of time as anyone else, 24 hours a day, and not a minute more. But you can be certain that the way they think about time … and the way they allocate time … is very different than the way negative, demotivated people approach it.

To make sure you’re investing your time wisely, there are 4 things you’ve got to do.

=> 1. Don’t spend too much time in the past.

That would be about as foolish as trying to drive a car that had a rear-view mirror that was bigger than the windshield. You would probably crash.

And the same goes for time. If you live your life in the past, you’re going to crash the present. You’re going to ruin it.

The past only serves two purposes. It provides lessons and preserves memories. So pick up the lessons from your past. Reflect on your good memories once in a while. And then get on with the present.

As author Ida Scott Taylor wrote in the early 1900’s, “One day at a time — this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.”

=> 2. Spend the “right” amount of time on the future.

The key is the “right” amount of time. If you spend too little time, you’re living your life on auto-pilot. You’re living your life without purpose and goals … and that will never lead to happiness or success.

If you spend too much time on the future, dreaming about how good life could be … if only certain things would happen … you once again miss the present.

You’re living your life in a fantasy world, rather than working on making it happen.

Of course, I know the “right” amount of time may be somewhat of a dilemma. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld commented on that. He said, “I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication … Not easy. There’s an entire wall of products that you need. You stand there going, ‘Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting … Which is more important, the present or the future?’”

Well, Jerry, I can answer that for you. The present is more important … because what you do in the present determines your future.

The Chinese knew that hundreds of years ago. As stated in one of their ancient proverbs, “If you want to know your past, look into your present conditions.

If you want to know your future, look into your present actions.”

=> 3. Focus on the present.

As I tell my audiences, “Wherever you are, be there!” Don’t fret about work when you’re at home, and don’t worry about the kids when you’re at work. Learn to be totally present.

The great conductor Arturo Toscanini mastered the skill. On his 80th birthday, someone asked his son Walter what his father ranked as his most important achievement. The son replied, “For him there can be no such thing. Whatever he happens to be doing at the moment is the biggest thing in his life — whether it is conducting a symphony or peeling an orange.”

Indeed, learning to live in the “now” may be critical to your success. As change expert Price Pritchett puts it, “Fast growth requires … a strong sense of ‘now-ness.’” You have to maximize the value of the moment.

As Pritchett goes on to say, “Pay attention. Consciously watch how you’re spending the fleeting now, and consider the payback you’ll get. Are you making a good investment of your hours and minutes? Or are you wasting these scarce resources … spending time on stuff that offers little return … fumbling the opportunity for fast growth?”

You need to show great respect for the now. If you fill it with right behaviors, you’ll be rewarded with fast results.

And finally,

=> 4. Adopt the mind set of living in the present.

Now I know that’s easier said than done … that we all need to live in the present. But it can be done … if you reflect on a few slogans throughout your day. In fact, you can even write them down, put them on a card, and read the card three or four times a day.

And thanks to the millions of people who have gone through 12-step programs or other recovery programs, these slogans have been time tested and proven to work. So give them a try. They’ll keep you focused on the present.

**Easy does it.

**First things first.

**How important is it?

**Just for today.

**Keep it simple.

**Keep an open mind.

**Let go and let God.

**Let it begin with me.

**Listen and learn.

**Live and let live.

**One day at a time.

**Progress not perfection.

Yes, the more you reflect on these slogans, the easier it will be for you to live your life to the fullest … in the present. And if you want to get real technical about it, the present is the only time you have anyway.

As mentioned in “The 500 Year Delta” by Jim Taylor and Watts Wacker, “Once upon a time, you could live in three tenses — the past, the present, and the future. There was a time to consult history; there was a time to plan to what lay ahead. The present tense was spent managing the transfer of the past into the future and imagining what that future might be.”

They continue, “Today, under the pressure of accelerating change, the past and future have been fused into a single tense: the present. The present is real time and real time is the only time.”

Action:

Which of the living-in-the-present slogans appeals to you the most? Pick one. And then repeat that slogan to yourself several times a day for at least 30 days in a row.

Make it a 10 in 2010!

Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Could your teen career insurance and coaching have prevented a tragedy? Had dinner with several teens and one had a best friend’s brother died today – a drug overdose. Do you think it could have been prevented if he had a life purpose and was working on it?

I have a number of bloggers I follow and from time to time I will share their insights as they pertain to what we are talking about.   Enjoy

Dear Reader,

My friends John and Marcy seem to have it all … Great health, a beautiful family, a lovely home, plenty of money.

The problem? Their teenage kids are driving them completely nuts.

My wife Karen and I recently spent a weekend with them at their home in upstate New York.

“It’s so exasperating,” complained Marcy. “They don’t study. They stay out until all hours. We never know where they are or whom they’re with. Of course, it’s uncool for them to answer a phone call from their parents when they’re out, but they won’t even text us back. It’s infuriating.”

“Who is supplying them with the cell phones, the cars and the money?” I asked.

“Well, who do you think?” she said, irritated just thinking about it.

I let it go at that. This conversation wasn’t improving the evening and, besides, it was none of my business. But I couldn’t help thinking how different things were growing up at my house.

I was one of four boys, fairly close in age. Like all boys, we acted up. Regularly. But if things started getting out of hand, my Dad would threaten to “lower the boom.”

(I’m not sure any of us really knew what that meant, exactly. But from the look in his eye and the tone of his voice, it was clear that any “boom lowering” would not accrue to our advantage.)

That was when we were young, of course. But by the time you reach your teenage years, your relationship with your parents is pretty well established. And the way my brothers and I were raised, it would have been unthinkable to treat our Mom or Dad like a doormat.

Yet I have several friends who tell me they are experiencing pretty much the same thing as John and Marcy. They complain about their kids’ poor grades and bad manners, their lack of respect and motivation, their general feeling of entitlement.

What I don’t hear many of them saying is what role they as parents are playing in this state of affairs. Some of them might benefit from thinking a little less about fixing their kids and a little more about fixing the way they parent.

This is a touchy subject, I know. Everyone who has had a parent or a child – every living soul, in other words – is an expert on the subject. But could any job be more important?

As parents, it’s our responsibility to educate our kids about the consequences of their behavior. This requires frequent communication (and sometimes punishment). Yet, according to a recent study, the average parent spends three and a half minutes per week in meaningful conversation with his or her children. No wonder so many kids are a mess.

What should parents communicate? For starters, guidance, understanding, and opinions about what is right and wrong. They need to stress the importance of education and hard work.

Most of all, parents need to communicate that their love is unconditional, but their approval is not. Kids need to understand that eventually we all sit down to a banquet of consequences.

And it’s a tough world out there…

In 1940, for example, public school teachers claimed that the top seven disciplinary problems were talking out of turn, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, cutting in line, dress code infractions and littering. Today it is drug abuse, alcohol abuse, pregnancy, suicide, rape, robbery and assault.

We can speculate on the reasons for this – violent and sexually-charged television shows, movies and video games, millions of homes without fathers, or other factors – but there is no denying the general coarsening of the culture.

Columnist George Will recently remarked that, “Sixty years ago, parents’ primary job was getting their kids to adopt the values of the culture. Today their primary job is getting them not to adopt the values of the culture.”

Things really are tougher for parents now. But that only means good parenting is more important than ever. Yes, the schools will teach them reading, science, history and math (or should). But it is up to us to teach our kids about important things like work, health, money, relationships, and integrity.

Part of this, of course, is setting an example. Your kids may not hear much of what you say. But they are watching what you do like a hawk.

And while there are different approaches to parenthood, in my view there are certain core values all kids should be taught:

*Respect your elders.

*Two ears, one mouth: Listen twice as much as you talk.

*When you give your word, keep it. Always.

*Look people in the eye when you talk to them.

*Stand up for yourself.

*Be kind to animals.

*Smile, it don’t cost nothing. (Bad grammar, good lesson)

*If you don’t have the time to do it right, how will you find the time to do it over?

*Spend less than what you earn. Save and invest the difference.

*Always say “please” and “thank you,” “yes, sir” and “no, ma’am.”

*Understand that the workplace is a hierarchy, not a democracy.

*If you borrow something, return it in better condition than you got it.

*Learn to think for yourself.

*If you don’t know something, look it up.

*Cigarettes don’t make you look cool. They make you look stupid.

*Drugs deliver short-term highs and lifelong lows.

*Sex is great but unwanted pregnancies and STDs are not.

*When you need help, ask for it. When others need help, give it.

*Doing the right thing always has its reward.

*If you mess up, apologize.

*Anything worth having is worth working for.

*Do what you love for a living and the money will follow. (Not enough to make you rich necessarily, but enough to live an authentic life.)

*You don’t need someone to complete you. Complete yourself.

*Successful people make a habit of doing the things unsuccessful people don’t want to do.

*Hold the door for people – men and women alike.

*Accept responsibility for yourself.

*If you face a difficult decision, ask, “How will this make me feel about myself?”

*And never forget: Non illigitamus carbonundrum. (That’s Latin for “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”)

This is just a partial list, of course. Eighteen years is about how long it takes to learn what we need to know to become responsible adults. After all, most of us don’t start making good decisions until after we’ve screwed up making so many bad ones.

In the end, parents only have so much ability to guide their children’s behavior. Scientists still don’t know how much we’re shaped by nature versus our environment – and probably never will.

But preparing our kids for adulthood is an awesome responsibility, the most important job on earth. So it behooves us – and society as a whole – to do everything in our power to do it well.

Family is the cornerstone of society, the ultimate economic and spiritual unit of every civilization. Twenty-five hundred years ago, Confucius said, “The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.” (This is just as true of mothers, especially today when so many kids are growing up without fathers around.)

Parenthood is and will always be a sacred task. When our kids are grown, they will have to deal with the consequences of their choices. No parent wants to live with regrets about what he or she “should have done.”

For most of us, our families are what we care about most. I know that if I felt I had failed as a father, no success in any other area could make up for it.

Yet each family is unique and no one will ever know the full reality of your situation.

Still, imperfect as we are, there is great satisfaction imprinting the best of us on our kids and doing whatever we can to give them a leg up in our competitive world, knowing that, however we fell short in one area or another, we did the best we could.

Carpe Diem,

Alex

Hi, here is a valuable article by Ingrid Bacci.   I hope you find it both useful and inspirational.

by Ingrid Bacci, PhD

Each of us has an inner compass, an infallible mechanism for self-direction or guidance. You can call it your inner pilot or, if you like, you can call it your soul. It doesn’t matter what you call it. What does matter is that whenever you are actually listening to this inner compass and following its guidance, you tend to feel peaceful, focused, dynamic and alive. When you do not listen to its guidance, you tend to feel scattered, unfocused, nervous, lethargic, and possibly ill. What most people don’t understand is that there is a timeworn, ancient and reliable process for learning how to stay in touch with the focused, peaceful and dynamic part of you that wants to take you to your true goal, and to support you in putting on that incredible theatrical performance that is your life.

negative habits that keep you from owning your soul, your life purpose.

Let’s say the same thing in another way. Most people think that if they could only identify their purpose, they would be happy, focused, energetic and alive. They think that what is keeping them from pursuing their purpose is that they don’t know what it is. But that is not the way things actually work. Finding your purpose is like finding a clear-running current in a river: it takes you effortlessly along your way, but only once you get past all the log jams and garbage that choke up some of its tributaries. Similarly, if you get rid of your own log jams, your purpose will take you effortlessly. You will recognize it by the fact that where you are feels right. You will have let go of resistance to the current of your life.

The problem, of course, is that most of us are addicted to the log jams of our lives. We may say to ourselves that we would rather not have them, but we cling to them. We cling to worry, to fear, to self-doubt, to procrastination, to staying in intolerable circumstances, to accepting abuse, to giving abuse, to self-medicating with drugs, food or alcohol, to seeing life as unfair, to blaming reality, others or ourselves for our situation, to thinking someone or something else is supposed to save us and make it alright, and so on. We cling to what we say we don’t want.

I have written about some of these issues and how to free ourselves from them extensively, in my first book, The Art of Effortless Living. Stay tuned also for my next book, currently being completed. In the meantime, here are a few reminders about finding your purpose, becoming the champion of your life, and truly learning to live your dreams:

1)      Practice centering yourself every day of your life: through meditation, yoga, breath awareness, prayer, and so on. Make inner peace your strongest value, notice when you let something else take priority (something like anxiety, fear, disappointment, restlessness) and return to making your center the most important thing.

2)      If something in your life is not working for you, you have three options: change yourself, change the situation, or leave the situation. If changing yourself (for example, listening more, or becoming less impatient) is not the solution to the problem, work on changing the situation (telling others in a respectful but firm way what you need in the situation). If changing the situation doesn’t work, then summon up the courage to let it go. Leave the job that doesn’t work, the relationship that is abusive or demeaning, the social network that is no longer life affirming for you. You can’t get what you want if you don’t have the courage to leave what isn’t working for you.

3)      Practice courage. The word courage is derived from the French word for heart, spelled “coeur.” To have courage is to have a big heart, and to have a big heart is to have courage. Be courageous, step out for what you want. Give others their due, and don’t try to force your opinions on them, but have the courage and the heart to live a life that makes sense to you. There is no other way.

4)      Remember that this world needs people who are calm and courageous, people who own their own power. Give to the world by giving the best of yourself: your inner peace and your courage. You will profit, and so will everyone else. Yes, even if they get mad at you at times, and resist the direction you take, your calm and your courage are the best gifts you can give to others. Why? Because every person finds their purpose when they build their calm and their courage, and every person learns how to do that primarily from having the example around them of other  individuals who are doing the same thing.

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